8 years without Mae

8 years now
Nothing feels normal
Now your soul is free
What most call paranormal

My heart longs
So often for your hug
To wrap me in a blanket
To make me feel snug

All I have is memories
But so much lately
I think of who you were
You effected me so greatly

May is a hard month
Full of different emotion
I try not think of you as gone
You only got a soul promotion

You are my mother
You helped me spirituality
To showed me that
Its important to have individuality

You supported me
Even with medical
With my heart problem
You took me somewhere credible

I know you are dead
A part of a bigger scheme
I only wish I could see you
And not just in a dream

I wrote this in tribute to my mothers birthday witch is tomorrow. Happy Birthday "Belinda Mae" I will always love you mom! I will always miss you and think about you as well. I have grown stronger over the last 8 years but the pain I carry everywhere. I know this is poem will hit home with others as well. This might not be one of my better poems but I hope you enjoy it. I hope everyone knows that if you lost someone you are not alone. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to.

"Kayci"
Posted on 05/21/13

Broken Hearts

Broken Hearts

Have you ever felt like you were tired of looking? I wanted to be married right out of high school and star a family soon after. I wanted a fairlytale story that I never got. I thought  these things would make me happy. Then I learned my happiness doesn't depend on anyone but myself. We have to learn to love ourselves because if we don't love ourselves then how can we expect anyone else to?

Think about it.

"Kayci"

Posted on 04/27/13

"Hold me Tight"

Hold me Tight

I've given up on

The fight with feeling

This is scary but

Unnaturally appealing

You are amazing

Holding me tight

You feed my heart

Still a strong appetite

You gave hope

In my darkest places

Hearing your voice

My heart starts to race

I started failing

A few months ago

Why haven't I told you 

I still don't know

Talking about feeling

A hard thing for me

A future with you 

Not yet guaranteed

Written by Kayci Ryanne Summers

Posted on 04-15-13

His Pleasure

He touches me in the dark, do I scream or stay calm? Will he hurt me or go away? I feel his hot breath sneaking across my face. His hand touches my face as I twitch in fear. I'm so scared as I feel the pain between my legs, I start to scream. No one comes to save me, No one hears my cries. No one feels the pain. I start to cry as the pain gets worse. He steps and leaves... Is it over? I think so.
I was wrong, since then I have been touched in the same way, the same fears I had that night have flooded my memory, I go back to the pain I try to hide, the pain I try to forget. I go back to the dim room.. is it over? My mind starts spinning, will this ever be over, this endless circle of pain, cries and his pleasure?

Written by Kayci Ryanne Summers on 09-29-06

Posted on 04-13-13

Growing means change

Growing means change

Growing means change
Change brings new light
Life gets unpredictable
But lets fill it with delight

Bring people together
Fill space with optimism
For all the negative thoughts
We can do an exorcism

Knowing our past and the
Uncertainties of the future
All those school yard bullies
They are the true loser

The hope for life
A happiness so pure
Yet we hold on to hate
And that is no cure

Life has lessons for the future
To help us all grow
We build and build
Until we see the glow

Don't stop there friends
Find other individuals
Who feel they are nothing
Let them know they are intellectuals

Gather the town
All kinds of communities
Let everyone know there
Are many opportunities

This doesn't end here
The world is a playground
To spark all creations not
To be a war ground

Written by Kayci Ryanne Summers
Posted on 04-12-13

Hearts on Fire

Hearts on Fire

Fire burns in their hearts
No one sees their touch
In the dark they whisper
Maybe a little too much

Hands in age
Feeling every curve
Going so far
Oh just the right nerve

Feet on the ground
Yet flying away
It's like a storm
What can I say

You can't stay long
No future in sight
Feelings in darkness
No switch for light

Danger approaching
Lines have been crossed
Their minds are present
Their hearts are lost

Written by Kayci Ryanne Summers
Posted on 04-07-13

Love yourself :)

Was there ever a point in your life when you felt like you were beautiful? Even you guys, I know it sounds crazy but hear me out. That point when you see that every part of who you are is beautiful, the good and the bad. I know I have. It took me a long time to fall in love with myself, and I am so happy that I have. I know that God made me just the way He wanted me to be made. My heart problem is great! I know I still sound a bit crazy. I love that everyday I am faced with knowing that my heart is not in the best shape, I live everyday like its my last. I tell my friends and family "I love you" everytime I see them or when they leave or even over the phone to make sure they know that I care about them. I love how when I have feelings for someone my heart really does skip a beat and makes it that much more real for me. I think that we should all fall in love with ourselves. This is a hard thing to do for most, and no I'm not talking about being full of yourself. Most people feel like they are not worthy of being called "beautiful" and I just want you to know what you are. How will you ever see your beauty if you are hiding in the darkness of doubt?

Think about it.

Feel free to share something that you love about yourself, or even share something you love about someone you look up to.

Written by Kayci Ryanne Summers
Posted on 04-01-13

untitled 5

I love how this feels
I can't put you down
I know I should
I just can't slowdown

I start to feel dizzy
As you fill my insides
I will have more
My head decides

I must have it all
This is just too good
So I take a brake
Round 2 I should

So I take and take
Till I almost fall over
I walk to the bedroom
Keeping my composer

Written by Kayci Ryanne Summers
Posted on 03-27-13

untitled 4

Communication is key
To make this work
Without it we wander
In darkness we lurk

We no longer work
Together as a team
We used to be great
Now just routine

How did we get here
To be so distant
Not letting each other in
Our hearts so resistant

Will we survive
Or fade into nothing
Our lives are too busy
We are always rushing

We have no flame
No romance to show
Give me a reason to stay
When I feel I should go

Written by Kayci Ryanne Summers
Posted on 03-27-13

untitled 3

The things hiding
Behind my smile
Fought back fears
Its all in my file

Life is getting
To be way too busy
The world is spun
Until I'm too dizzy

One thing saves me
From a world of fear
I think of the past
The future seems clear

I am meant for more
More than just fame
Greatness at my door
No more of the shame

My life was in pieces
No box for a guide
But I put it back together
Stride by stride

Written by Kayce Ryanne Summers
Posted on 03-25-13

my poem to God

Hope for love

The kind you give

Through people I know

A reminder to forgive

Your grace so warm

Wraps me in safety

Decisions you make

Never made hasty

Your plan for me

My happily ever after

You put friends in my life

To hear my laughter

My struggles are many

My blessings are stronger

This world my temporary home

I will overcome and conquer

to see your face

To hug you just one time

I'd cross every river

Every mountain I climb

Written by Kayci Ryanne Summers

Posted on 03-26-13

untitled 2

The cuts on my arms
Tell me I can feel
All the things
My heart can't reveal

Tears cover my bed
But I made this coffin
Now I must lay
In my very own toxi
I thought I was strong
My loss of strength
And I start to fade
As I crawl the floors length

Black as night
My surroundings become
My heart stops beating
Like the slowing of a drum

Written by Kayci Ryanne Summers
Posted on 03-26-13

untitled 1

Don't look down
On what I may choose
Because in the end
This bomb will defuse

I know its not much
To offer what could be
But I am not one to
Choose invisibility

This is something hard
To leave behind the past
With out doing
You can never see the blast

This light in my body
I love how it feels
So I'll try to get dressed
And Dance in my heels

I can't explain how
This may or may not go
After all these years
The past I should outgrow

Written by Kayci Ryanne Summers
Posted on 03-26-13